I made a mistake a few days ago. I went to the grocery store. I’ve made this mistake before. You would think I’d learn but fuck no. I don’t. I’ve concluded there need to be three lines at the grocery store. One for express. One for regular. One for retards.
This post is not a rant about the grocery store.
It’s a rant about retards.
And social media.
Yes. I am being redundant.
You can’t have social media without retards.
Without retards people would be outside. With their friends. Real friends. Doing things that involve physical activity like biking, walking, eating, drinking, playing, running, fucking, kissing and petting cats. However there is a growing class of people (I use the term “people” loosely here) who don’t have friends. So instead they have Facebook friends.
Seriously, some of you are becoming way to fucking attached to social media. Here in Fort Collins there are a number of statements I can make that will get some panties in a wad. Amongst them are:
“Hippies talk all this shit about saving the Earth but all they do is smoke dope and smell bad.”
“Obama is a cock sucking liar.”
“I don’t like dogs.”
‘The food at Bisetti’s isn’t really that good.”
But if I really wanna piss in some Cornflakes – and by fucking God there is almost nothing I enjoy more than pissing in Cornflakes – all I have to say is . . .
“Google+ is just Facebook only it’s owned by Google instead of Facebook.”
Oh the shit will hit the fan. Shit. Fan. Impact.
I have never seen people turn so red in the face and almost explode. Oh no, Google+ is totally different from Facebook they rave.
Facebook is a digital framework where you post links, photos, videos and status updates in a forum where you can interact with people you know and don’t know.
Google+ is a digital framework where you post links, photos, videos and status updates in a forum where you can interact with people you know and don’t know.
Yea. Totally different. At this point I will be informed that Google+ has a +1 button and (AND!!) video conferencing. My my . . . a +1 button. Well didn’t my world view just shift. No fucking shit? A +1 button? Well eat my shorts. As for video conferencing, I don’t want to talk to my friends on a fucking computer screen.
Yes – I totally agree that the video conferencing thingy is probably very useful for business and such when you do have to deal with people at a distance. I’m not saying Google+ is not a useful tool. It is. What I’m saying is that Google+ is just Facebook with a +1 button and video conferencing.
And I’m saying that you have way too much emotional attachment to your social media.
Which brings me to my next story.
Oh Pintrest. Because we needed Twitter for pictures. Yes, peace in the Middle East has been achieved and starvation has ended. Here in the richest country in the world people came together to create Pintrest and aren’t we all better for it.
Some chyck who claims to be a photographer and a lawyer actually read the TOU for Pintrest. There’s a concept. Actually reading the TOU. Who does that? I don’t. TOUs for social media are a whole other rant, so I’ll save it. Let me get to the important part.
She reads the TOU, finds out that when you post to Pintrest you agree that if Pintrest is sued for copyright infringement you will pay the legal bills and damages for Pintrest. So she writes a blog post about this. So far, so good. The title of this blog post?
“Why I Tearfully Deleted My Pinterest Inspiration Boards”
Really? “Tearfully”? Are. You. Fucking. Kidding? No, you are not. You cried over killing off a social media account? Fuck me running Rachel. Are you sure the real problem is the Pintrest TOU? ‘Cause I’m thinking the problem might be your emotional attachment to social networking. You need to get a cat. Or a dog. Or a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Or a hobby (besides social media). Or a vibrator. Or . . . some fucking friends. TURN OFF THE COMPUTER AND GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE!!!!!
I have a Pintrest via Facebook. I’ve looked at it about 10 times and I’m pretty certain that I will be able to go my entire life without pinning anything. Especially since you aren’t suppose to pin your own stuff. I’m a selfish bastard and I don’t promote other people & products unless they pay me or I really like them.
In the end there are, as of this time, only two “forms” of social media. Facebook and Twitter.
MySpace, LinkedIn, Google+ – they are all Facebook.
500px, Flickr, Dig, Pintrest – they are all Twitter.
If this statement offends you so severely that you feel the need to write me a nasty email in response you should probably channel that effort into getting over your daddy issues.